I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
