Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
