Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
