OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
