The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
