I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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