I hate your face
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
