But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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