wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
