whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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