Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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