Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
