I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
