i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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