I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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