are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
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I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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