hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
