she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
