cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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