Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
