Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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