Whod you bang
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
