i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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