She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
