Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
