Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
