You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
