I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
