My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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