I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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