yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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