I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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