so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
