They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
