I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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