Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You smell like a Billy Joel song
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
