U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
