apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
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