Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
