there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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