I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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