I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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