While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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