I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
