sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
