Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
