Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
