the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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