I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
