I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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