my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
