Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
