I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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