I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
