I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
