spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
